


1949

by TonyCanBreakdance (TheChief), YourForever



Series: Every Breath Is A Chance To Know Yourself [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 17:20:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5136158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChief/pseuds/TonyCanBreakdance, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourForever/pseuds/YourForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>1949 I found you. Since then never have there been two hearts that cannot - will not - break their hold. I saw your eyes and darkness faded, not a second longer could I have waited for a kiss from lips that pierce my soul. </p><p>60 years gone by and still you are mine.</p><p>So sing yourself to sleep tonight and let your demons go 'cause every word you spoke to me has saved me for so long and every move and every kiss, I've kept is on my tongue 'cause you're as beautiful to me as when you were young.</p><p>So here we are, standing side by side for all this time and, well, I could never comprehend a life without you and all of this. I did. It was coming home to your heart. I promise this: together we will win. I understand it too with time, and with this love there's no goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1949

**Author's Note:**

> Song is 1949 by Mallory Knox.

He was two and half. Two and a half and sitting at the table in their little apartment in "London" because Mommy said he was big enough to eat without his high chair this year.

He remembers the movie on television. Remembers seeing the kids making gross noises when their parents kissed. Remembers that they were all grinning anyway because hey, that's what kids are supposed to do when their parents do that.

He remembers Mommy changing the channel and placing a slice of toast on his plate. Remembers being told to keep quiet because the mean man was still asleep.

He remembers how much he hated the mean man. The mean man with mean eyes who would always come back to the flat late and fight with Mommy in the kitchen and she always ended up crying.

He remembers wishing that he got to have a moment like the kids on tv always got. The ones with his nose all scrunched up while he giggled, "gross, Mommy, stop it." and she would laugh. Remembers practicing it in the bathroom mirror.

Remembers how Mommy didn't laugh much those days to begin with.

So he always tried to be good. If he was good then Mommy would smile and laugh and yeah, sure, he might not get a moment like the kids in the movies, but one day the mean man leaves and Mommy buys ice cream and holds him and apologizes. He remembers that she was crying then too. He remembers swearing that she would never have to cry because of him again.

That was also the year everything changed. The mean man was gone and Mommy said that they could go visit Mimi and Pop - the ones he talks to on the phone all the time.

It's two weeks after his third birthday before they finally go back. He remembers Mommy crying again and when he puffed up and asked what was wrong, asked what was making her cry, Mommy told him that they were happy tears because she missed her own Mommy and Daddy.

Mimi picks them up at the airport. She cries too and hugs him and Mommy tight. He doesn't want to tell her that he can't breathe cause she's squeezing too much.

It takes a little while for him to learn the difference between happy tears and sad tears.

They're happy tears when Mommy hugs him goodbye at Jake's house. It's the first night he's ever spent in a different house than Mommy and as soon as he sees that she's crying he tries to apologize to Jake and go back, but Mommy insists that he stay, that they're happy tears.

They're not when he breaks his arm and has to get stitches in his head after falling out of a tree. Pop yells at him about worrying them all and he swears to never do it again.

They're happy tears when Mommy gets a job. A real job. Not as a waitress or working at the movie theatre down the road. A real job where she has to wear heels and a skirt and Mommy's laughing and crying and she hugs him tight.

They're not when he loses Mommy's phone. Mommy and Mimi take him out shopping and the window in the car was down and he was playing his airplane game and wanted to see if it could fly.

They're happy tears when Mommy's sister comes home from University for a weekend. She's been somewhere called "Stateside," and, though he doesn't know where that is, apparently it's faraway - at least two airplane rides - and she's never met him. Mommy and her talk for hours and whenever he's nearby, Mommy's sister picks him up and lets him play with her phone. If she buys him presents too, he doesn't complain.

They're not when Mommy takes him to the park and he disappears. He's playing pirates and dragons with the kids who he met there and they're all busy shooting laser canons between the trees and trying to protect the fairies from the dragons that're trying to sink their ship and Mommy appears out of nowhere with a man in a uniform looking scared and angry.

They're happy tears on his fourth birthday, when he says he wants Mommy to always be happy. She smiles a watery smile and let's him pick out a movie and sits with him curled against her side while it plays. Then Mimi and Pop bring out the cake and some extra presents.

They're not when he gets into the old boxes of stuff Mommy keeps in her closet and there's an old case in the back. It has a guitar in it and he can't read yet, so the words scribbled on the guitar mean nothing to him. Still, he's sick and he hasn't left the house in days so he takes out the guitar to play rockstar and starts jumping on the bed, strumming it and then Mimi and Pop run in looking scared and he gets all startled and falls off the bed and breaks the skinny part of the guitar.

They're happy tears when he wants to go the park and he tells Mommy that he's big now and can do it on his own, that he doesn't need her to hold his hand when he crosses the road anymore. At least, he thinks they're happy. Mommy just wipes them away and takes his hand anyway.

They're not when he and Mommy come home from Jake's birthday party and apparently they had a visitor because Mimi looks worried and Pop looks angry and at first, Mommy seems fine. She gives him a snack and heads back to her room to take a nap. It's not until he crawls into bed for a cuddle that he realizes she's crying and she tells him not to worry, it's not his fault. He doesn't believe her.

He's getting the hang of it. He can tell.

It's been a few weeks since Mommy last cried and everything is back to normal and they're all in the living room because he got to pick where they ate tonight and Mommy put on Cars and Mimi made Mommy's favourite.

Mimi and Pop sit on one couch while he and Mommy sit on the other and he's pressed against Mommy's side like normal, but he can eat all on his own now.

He hasn't thought about the kids on tv getting their moments since the mean man, but Mimi and Pop kiss and Mommy laughs and throws a pillow at them, telling them to stop and he remembers with an ache.

And then he's five and he decides he wants a moment too so he tells Mommy. He tells her about the kids on tv. He tells her about the moments. He tells her, "I want Daddy." Because she has a Daddy and so does Jake and he's the only kid he knows who doesn't except for Phil who is mean and he doesn't want to end up mean like Phil.

Mommy disappears and for a while he thinks she's going to tell him that he doesn't have a Daddy except then, when he's halfway through his piece of cake, she hands him her phone and he drops his fork in his excitement to take it.

Mommy cries that night too. She cries and he crawls onto her lap and apologizes because he knows it's his fault this time. He knows it is and he cries because he promised he wouldn't make her cry and Mommy tells him that it's okay. Mommy stops crying and they watch movies and he tells her that she doesn't have to let him meet Daddy if he's gonna make her cry too. Mommy just laughs and messes up his hair and tells him that boys always make girls cry. He tells her that he thinks that's bogus - a word he learned on the playground - and Mommy laughs louder and he's proud of himself.

It's three weeks after his fifth birthday.

Three weeks until he meets the man with the nice voice. The one who was on the phone. The one who's called him everyday since. The one who says he's his Daddy.

He's got weird coloured hair, but his eyes make him feel like he's looking in a mirror and that's enough.

They meet and Daddy picks him up and kisses his cheek and they're in an old flat that Mommy says is ridiculous and Daddy murmurs something.

Mommy doesn't stay. Says she can't. She apologizes and kisses his cheek and comes back after the sun has gone down and by then he's half asleep on Daddy's old couch and he can hear them talking in the kitchen. Talking about keeping their old flat. Talking about past mistakes. Talking about him going on tour. Talking about her taking away his choice.

Talking about things he doesn't understand.

It continues like that for weeks. He goes to Daddy's on Wednesday's and on weekends and stays until the sun goes down and Mommy comes to pick him up. Everytime Mommy and Daddy sit in the kitchen and talk and sometimes Daddy cries and he wants to ask why. More often Mommy cries and he wants to march in and protect her.

But more than that, he wants his moment, so he stays on the couch.

And then he has to start going to school and most of his toys are at Daddy's anyway so Mommy just let's Daddy pick him up after school and then comes to get him when she gets off work.

Except then Daddy has to leave and he's gone for a week doing something called "promo" and Mommy mentions that working extra has given her the chance to make more money and she thinks they might be able to move into their own place soon.

Mimi and Pop just smile and encourage her, but now it's his turn to cry because he doesn't wanna move away from Mimi and Pop and he doesn't wanna stop seeing Daddy on Wednesdays and weekends until the sun goes down.

Mommy calms him down with a hug and presses a kiss to his forehead.

And then Daddy's back and he gets to meet all of Daddy's friends and there's one named Ashton who calls him adorable and - when he gets offended - rugged and tough.

Ashton, Luke, and Calum. The three are always at Daddy's apartment and Cal starts picking him up from school now, but that's fine because all of his friends are impressed with his uncle's cool tattoos, even more than Daddy's wild hair colour and piercings.

And then one day, Ash asks him, when he's hanging out with all four of them, if he wants Mommy and Daddy to live together to make it easier so he doesn't have to worry about leaving his toys at Daddy's or Mimi's.

Daddy looks hopeful and mentions that maybe he and Mommy could move in with him instead.

A week later when he mentions it in passing to Mommy, she looks shocked and doesn't respond.

The next night, Cal picks him up and, instead of taking him to Daddy's, they go to "the band house" and there's a girl there who Cal calls Mali and she coos over him and plays games with him.

Ash and Luke arrive and they don't go to Daddy's until the sun's down and when they get there, Mommy's already there because when they walk in, she's coming out of the bathroom, fixing her hair and Daddy is on the couch, waiting.

All of them sit around and talk and Mommy and Ash joke around, but she sits next to Daddy and nobody mentions it for a while.

Until he finally does, asking if this means they're all moving in to Daddy's flat because Mommy doesn't normally smile this much when she's around Daddy and she's acting like the parents on television and when Mommy gives a soft, hopeful smile and shrugs and Daddy leans over to kiss her cheek, he scrunches up his nose.

"Gross, Daddy, stop it."

Just like he practiced in the mirror.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what happened here, kids.
> 
> Let me know what you thought here or on my [ Tumblr ](http://ffs-muke-eatme.tumblr.com/ask). Feedback is always appreciated.


End file.
